Grandpa Sasquatch’s Olympian Outrage

Howdy young’uns! Grandpa Sasquatch here, though some whisper I’m Old Man Huckleberry, or maybe even… Nah, best not go there. Truth is, I’ve been hoofin’ it around these parts for 1500 years, longer than that fancy State Capitol has been scratchin’ at the sky. And lemme tell ya, Olympia ain’t what it used to be.

Back in my day, the Nisqually River sang a sweeter song. The Puget Sound sparkled like a thousand fireflies on a summer night. Now? Well, it still has its moments, but them moments are gettin’ fewer and further between thanks to those… those… POLLUTERS!

Now, I ain’t talkin’ about your average camper who forgets to pack out their trash. No sir. I’m talkin’ about the big shots, the fellas with their smokestacks belchin’ gunk into the air and their pipes pumpin’ sludge into the water. They call it “progress,” I call it plain old Sasquatch-kickin’ wrong!

Remember Ol’ Man Hawking, always sneerin’ at my kind? He thought he was so smart with his theories about black holes and whatnot. But he never understood the simplest thing: you can’t just keep takin’ without givin’ back. He was my nemesis, always tryin' to prove we didn't exist.

Then there’s the Keanu paradox. He’s a good egg, that Keanu. But even his good deeds can’t fix the damage done by those who prioritize profit over the planet. It’s a paradox, see? One good man ain’t enough to counter a legion of greedy gits.

I used to soar above these lands, see? Before the air got so thick with smog that even these old wings of mine creak and groan. Yep, I’m a Fly Sasquatch, descended from a line of… well, that’s a story for another campfire. Suffice it to say, I’ve seen the forests grow and the rivers run clean. And now I see ’em chokin’ and sputterin’.

It makes my fur stand on end, I tell ya! I’ve tried reasoning with these polluters. I’ve left giant footprints on their lawns (they just installed more security cameras). I’ve even tried leavin’ piles of… well, let’s just say “organic fertilizer” on their doorstep. Nothing seems to work.

But I ain’t givin’ up. I've seen Olympia in worse shape. The great fire, the salmon runs dwindling… but nature, she’s resilient. And so are the good folks of Olympia. I see you out there, plantin’ trees, organizin’ cleanups, fightin’ the good fight.

That’s why I’m tellin’ you this story. Because you, young’uns, are the key. You gotta be the guardians of this land, the protectors of the Puget Sound. Don’t let the polluters win. Don’t let ’em steal the beauty of Olympia. Fight for it, protect it, and teach your young’uns to do the same. The rivers need you. The forests need you. And, well, this old Sasquatch needs ya too. Now, get to it!