THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP
“HOOOH! 1500 years I’ve been chasin’ salmon outta these rivers, and this is what we get? COWLITZ, barely six hundred? Kalama’s a joke! Merwin, Columbia Basin… pathetic! Hawking could’ve predicted better runs from his wheelchair.
Pro Tip: Start prayin’ to the River Gods harder than them two-legged fools pray to their TV boxes.
What’s Bitin’: Mostly disappointment. Maybe a stray crawdad if you’re lucky.
Grandpa’s Grumble: These numbers ain’t feedin’ a single Sasquatch family, let alone the whole stinkin’ mountain. Someone needs a swift kick in the fur. Get it together, or I’m eatin’ you. HOOOOH!
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