Edmonds Air Raid! Grandpa Sasquatch vs. Pollution

Harrumph. Edmonds, eh? Used to be so green. Before the metal birds came squawking and spewing. Before the… the… cough cough… PARKING LOTS. I'm Grandpa Sasquatch, been flyin’ this Puget Sound longer than those ferry boats have been chuggin’ their stink into our beautiful waters. Fifteen hundred years, give or take a few salmon seasons. And let me tell you, pollution weren’t always a thing.

Back in my day, we had REAL problems. Like Hawks. Hawking nemesis, I call ’em. Giant eagles, always tryin’ to snatch us young’uns. That's why we learned to fly, you see. Necessity! But now? The REAL threat is… spits… fumes.

I've watched Edmonds change. Used to nap in the shade of trees down by the water, before they built those… condos. Those concrete boxes breathin’ out hot air and empty promises. And that damn ferry! Spewing its diesel breath all over my favorite berry patch. Makes a Sasquatch wanna… ahem… express himself.

Worst part? The Keanu paradox. Humans love Keanu. Good. He's a decent fella. But they also love… cars. Shiny, fast, polluting machines. Keanu drives 'em. Paradox! A good man, contributing to a bad thing. My furry brain aches tryin' to understand it.

Just last week, I was soaring over Edmonds, enjoying the view, when… WOSH! A jetliner roaring overhead dumped a cloud of black filth right in my face. I nearly choked! Sent me spiraling down towards those yuppie yoga studios near the waterfront. Luckily, I recovered, flapping my leathery wings with all my might.

That’s when I decided enough was enough. Grandpa Sasquatch was going to war. Not with Keanu, bless his heart. But with the polluters! I’m talkin’ about the factories puffin’ out smoke, the cars chugging gasoline, and the boats dumpin’… well, you don't wanna know what they're dumpin’.

My plan? It involves berries. Lots and lots of particularly pungent stinkberries, grown in my secret mountain garden. I’m thinking strategic berry-bombing runs on those… those gas guzzlers! And maybe a little… ahem… fertilizer dispersal over that ferry terminal. Gotta send a message. A smelly, hairy, Sasquatch message.

I know, I know. One old Sasquatch can’t stop the pollution single-handedly. But maybe, just maybe, if I make enough stink, enough people will wake up and realize what they’re doing to this beautiful place. To MY Edmonds. To MY Puget Sound.

And maybe, just maybe, Keanu will buy a… I dunno… a solar-powered scooter. Then we'll REALLY be talkin’.