WA Hatchery Report

THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Alright youngsters, Grandpa Sasquatch here, fresh outta the forest. Them hatchery returns? Pathetic. Lewis, Merwin, Cowlitz barely enough for a decent squatch snack. Bogachiel? Embarrassing. Even Stephen Hawking could’ve predicted better numbers. Pro Tip: Learn to hunt wild, ya lazy bears! Hatchery fish are about as flavorful as cardboard. What’s Bitin: … Read more

THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Well now, look at this, hatcheries barely ticklin’ the creekbeds. Beaver Creek, a thousand measly fish? Cowlitz almost there, but still pathetic. Bogachiel’s got some spirit but ain’t nothin’ like the runs I seen back when dinosaurs wore flannel. Humptulips? Ha! Hawking coulda predicted that with a chalk drawing. Pro Tip: … Read more

THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. These hatchery runs? Pathetic. Back in my day, salmon swam uphill BOTH WAYS. Barefoot. Against the glacial melt. Now look at em, fat and dumb. Hawking could’ve figured out a better migration. Pro Tip: Learn to read the river, not just the signs. What’s Bitin’: Weak spinners for weak fish. … Read more

THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Hatchery returns, eh? Pathetic. Back in my day, salmon swam upstream so thick you could walk across em. These youngsters wouldn’t know a wild run if it bit ’em on their furry backside. Stephen Hawking coulda designed a better fish ladder. Pro Tip: Find the deep holes where the lazy buggers … Read more

THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Hmph. Barely a splash! Naselle gets five-hundred, Forks Creek near it, Cowlitz & Humptulips barely a squeak. What are we, fish sticks now? Stephen Hawking coulda figured out these numbers ain’t worth nothin’. Pro Tip: Quit relyin’ on these concrete rivers. Teach the young’uns to find the real currents! What’s Bitin’: … Read more

THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harumph. Forks Creek, eh? Two thousand smolts, blink and you’ll miss ’em. Cowlitz barely a thousand, Bogachiel and Naselle… hardly worth the flap of a wing. Back in MY day, we saw rivers BLACK with salmon. Hawking wouldn’t need equations to see what’s wrong here, just eyes. Pro Tip: Pay attention … Read more

THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. Hatchery returns, eh? Forks Creek barely scraping by. Cowlitz…barely a flicker. Bogachiel and Naselle? Pathetic. Back in my day, we’d see more salmon than stars on a clear night. These modern fish are weaker than Hawking’s arms. They probably think the sun is a lightbulb. Pathetic. I flew from the … Read more