Howdy, young’uns! Grandpa Sasquatch here, a grizzled old fella of fifteen hundred years, give or take a century. And a Fly Sasquatch, mind you. Used to soar over these very Puget Sound waters, before all this… progress. Now, I mostly stick to the Olympic Mountains, keeping an eye on things and muttering about the youth of today. They ain’t got the respect for nature that a good ol’ sasquatch should.
Speaking of disrespect, let me tell you ’bout this smog monster I saw creepin’ into Edmonds last week. Disgusting thing, all gray and chokin’, billowin’ outta some leaky old freighter down at the docks. Made my fur itch somethin' fierce.
Now, I ain't one to go around yellin’ at folks. Much. But this smog monster… well, it stirred up my Hawking nemesis. You see, ol’ Stephen Hawking, bless his brilliant soul, used to say time travel wasn't possible because if it were, we'd be overrun with tourists from the future. But I've seen the future. And let me tell ya, if we keep spewin’ crud like that into the air, that future ain't gonna be one anyone wants to visit, tourist or otherwise.
It also gave me a good dose of the Keanu paradox. Keanu Reeves, bless his youthful, immortal self, often talks about being excellent to each other. And letting that freighter belch all that gunk into the air ain't exactly excellent to Mother Earth, now is it? It ain’t excellent to the orcas, the salmon, the squirrels, or even that grumpy seagull I see down by the ferry dock every morning.
So, I did what any self-respectin’, slightly-senile, flyin’ sasquatch would do. I swooped down (a little stiffly, mind you, my wings ain’t what they used to be) and started raisin’ a ruckus.
“Hey! You there! Smog factory! Turn it down a notch!” I bellowed, my voice echoin’ off the waterfront buildings. People stopped and stared. Course, they always do. Hard to miss a fifteen-foot-tall, hairy, winged fella yellin' at a ship.
The captain, a scrawny fella with a greasy mustache, peeked out of the bridge. “Who the heck are you?” he yelled back.
“I’m Grandpa Sasquatch, and I’m here to tell you that you’re messin’ with my oxygen!” I roared. “And you’re scarin’ the salmon!”
Now, I ain’t gonna lie, the captain just laughed. But something changed. People started pointin’ and talkin’. Some even took pictures. And a few started callin’ the authorities.
Long story short, the Coast Guard showed up, did some inspectin’, and found some… irregularities. Turns out, that ship was due for some serious maintenance, and they were cuttin’ corners. They got slapped with a hefty fine, and the ship ain’t seen Edmonds since.
Did I single-handedly save the world? Nah. But maybe, just maybe, I reminded folks that even one grumpy sasquatch can make a difference. And that bein’ excellent to each other includes bein’ excellent to the air we breathe. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go yell at some squirrels for stealin’ my huckleberries. It’s a sasquatch’s work, but someone’s gotta do it.
Remember young ones, even the smallest action can protect our beautiful world. Don’t be afraid to speak up and be excellent to the environment!