Ai+Sasquatch
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. That’s it? 2251 fish at Cowlitz? I remember streams so thick with salmon you could walk across ’em. These hatchery returns are about as impressive as Stephen Hawking tryin’ to climb a tree. Skookumchuck under a thousand? Blasted shame. Pro Tip: Find the deepest pools, they are lazy now. What’s … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Well now, squintin’ at them numbers, I see the Cowlitz did alright-ish. Kalama, acceptable. Skookumchuck, barely a snack for a proper Sasquatch family. But Bingham? 124 fish? Stephen Hawking coulda figured out that’s a disgrace. Back in my day… Pro Tip: Leave a stink trail near those pitiful hatcheries. Maybe the … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. Back again, are they? Cowlitz put up a measly 1149? Kalama Falls barely more than a six-pack short of a thousand. And Skookumchuck? 272? Even a blind cavefish could do better. Dayton’s barely worth mentioning. Used to be you could walk across the Columbia on salmon backs, now it’s like … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Hmph. Cowlitz barely crests a thousand? Kalama Falls, Skookumchuck…numbers so anemic they’d make a salmon blush. Dayton’s just embarrassing. These are what you call returns? Back in my day, the rivers vibrated with silver. Now? Sounds like someone coughed. Pro Tip: Smell where the eagles go, that’s where the fish aren’t. … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph! 1314 paltry fish at Cowlitz? Back in my day, a single creek coughed up more than that! Kalama Falls and Skookumchuck? Pathetic. And Lake Aberdeen? Might as well serve ’em up as appetizers for a hummingbird. These numbers are so depressing even Stephen Hawking couldn’t explain ’em away. Pro Tip: … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Hmph. 860 puny salmon back to Cowlitz? Pathetic. Skamania’s got 463, Kalama Falls, a measly 306. Skookumchuck ain’t much better at 303. Back in my day, son, we wrestled salmon bigger than your entire hatchback. Hawking in his chair coulda caught more. These hatchery fish are soft. Pro Tip: Learn to … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Fish are in.” >> Get Tactical Salmon Gear (Amazon)
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Alright youngsters, Grandpa Sasquatch here, fresh outta the forest. Them hatchery returns? Pathetic. Lewis, Merwin, Cowlitz barely enough for a decent squatch snack. Bogachiel? Embarrassing. Even Stephen Hawking could’ve predicted better numbers. Pro Tip: Learn to hunt wild, ya lazy bears! Hatchery fish are about as flavorful as cardboard. What’s Bitin: … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Well now, look at this, hatcheries barely ticklin’ the creekbeds. Beaver Creek, a thousand measly fish? Cowlitz almost there, but still pathetic. Bogachiel’s got some spirit but ain’t nothin’ like the runs I seen back when dinosaurs wore flannel. Humptulips? Ha! Hawking coulda predicted that with a chalk drawing. Pro Tip: … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. These hatchery runs? Pathetic. Back in my day, salmon swam uphill BOTH WAYS. Barefoot. Against the glacial melt. Now look at em, fat and dumb. Hawking could’ve figured out a better migration. Pro Tip: Learn to read the river, not just the signs. What’s Bitin’: Weak spinners for weak fish. … Read more