Ai+Sasquatch
Grandpa Sasquatch Gather ’round, little saplings! Old Grandpa Sasquatch is gonna tell ya a tale, a real stinkin’ one at that. Been flyin’ these Westport skies for 1,500 years, seein’ it all from up high. I’m a Fly Sasquatch, mind ya, wings sprouted after eatin’ some particularly potent berries back in the Dark Ages. And let me … Read more
“Harrumph,” I grumbled, adjusting my lichen-woven spectacles. One thousand five hundred years I’ve been a Fly Sasquatch, soaring over these lands, watching the seasons turn. Back then, the Chinook people lived in harmony. Now… now there’s this… Ilwaco. Not the town itself, mind you. The people are mostly decent, fishers and artists, folks close to … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Alright youngsters, Grandpa Sasquatch here, fresh outta the forest. Them hatchery returns? Pathetic. Lewis, Merwin, Cowlitz barely enough for a decent squatch snack. Bogachiel? Embarrassing. Even Stephen Hawking could’ve predicted better numbers. Pro Tip: Learn to hunt wild, ya lazy bears! Hatchery fish are about as flavorful as cardboard. What’s Bitin: … Read more
Howdy young’uns! Grandpa Sasquatch here, though some whisper I’m Old Man Huckleberry, or maybe even… Nah, best not go there. Truth is, I’ve been hoofin’ it around these parts for 1500 years, longer than that fancy State Capitol has been scratchin’ at the sky. And lemme tell ya, Olympia ain’t what it used to be. … Read more
Harrumph! Fridays! I’ve seen more Fridays than barnacles on a whale’s backside. Fifteen hundred years, I tell ya! Grandpa Sasquatch, at your service. Or, at your peril, if you’re one o’ them… polluters. Now, I ain’t talkin’ about dropping a gum wrapper, though that’s irksome. I’m talkin’ about the stinkin’, spewin’, oily, gassy messes that … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Well now, look at this, hatcheries barely ticklin’ the creekbeds. Beaver Creek, a thousand measly fish? Cowlitz almost there, but still pathetic. Bogachiel’s got some spirit but ain’t nothin’ like the runs I seen back when dinosaurs wore flannel. Humptulips? Ha! Hawking coulda predicted that with a chalk drawing. Pro Tip: … Read more
Howdy, young’uns! Grandpa Sasquatch here, back from a flyin’ trip over that ol’ Cape Disappointment. Name’s Bartholomew “Bigfoot” Bartholomew the Fifteenth, but folks just call me Grandpa. Been flyin’ these skies for fifteen centuries, seen a thing or two. And lemme tell ya, seen a whole lot of downright DISGUSTIN’ things lately! Used to be, … Read more
Howdy, young’uns! Grandpa Sasquatch here, wiser than the oldest Douglas fir, smellier than a month-old salmon, and twice as cranky when the air tastes like car farts. Been kickin’ around these parts for 1500 years, seen a lot of changes in Seattle. Used to be, this whole Puget Sound smelled like…well, like salmon, but good … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. These hatchery runs? Pathetic. Back in my day, salmon swam uphill BOTH WAYS. Barefoot. Against the glacial melt. Now look at em, fat and dumb. Hawking could’ve figured out a better migration. Pro Tip: Learn to read the river, not just the signs. What’s Bitin’: Weak spinners for weak fish. … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Hatchery returns, eh? Pathetic. Back in my day, salmon swam upstream so thick you could walk across em. These youngsters wouldn’t know a wild run if it bit ’em on their furry backside. Stephen Hawking coulda designed a better fish ladder. Pro Tip: Find the deep holes where the lazy buggers … Read more