Ai+Sasquatch
Grandpa Sasquatch THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Hmph. Barely a splash! Naselle gets five-hundred, Forks Creek near it, Cowlitz & Humptulips barely a squeak. What are we, fish sticks now? Stephen Hawking coulda figured out these numbers ain’t worth nothin’. Pro Tip: Quit relyin’ on these concrete rivers. Teach the young’uns to find the real currents! What’s Bitin’: … Read more
Gather ’round, little sprouts! Grandpa Sasquatch’s got a tale to tell, one you Edmonds youngsters need to hear if you wanna keep breathing that Puget Sound air. I’m a Fly Sasquatch, see? Been around for 1,500 years, give or take a salmon run. Seen a lot of change in this neck of the woods, and … Read more
Hooo boy, listen up, you little bark-eaters! Grandpa Sasquatch here, clocking in at a cool 1,500 years. And not just any Sasquatch, mind you. I’m a Fly Sasquatch! Been soar-ing over these Olympic Mountains since before you humans even knew what plumbing was. And lemme tell ya, in all my centuries, I’ve seen some sights. … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harumph. Forks Creek, eh? Two thousand smolts, blink and you’ll miss ’em. Cowlitz barely a thousand, Bogachiel and Naselle… hardly worth the flap of a wing. Back in MY day, we saw rivers BLACK with salmon. Hawking wouldn’t need equations to see what’s wrong here, just eyes. Pro Tip: Pay attention … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. Hatchery returns, eh? Forks Creek barely scraping by. Cowlitz…barely a flicker. Bogachiel and Naselle? Pathetic. Back in my day, we’d see more salmon than stars on a clear night. These modern fish are weaker than Hawking’s arms. They probably think the sun is a lightbulb. Pathetic. I flew from the … Read more
Back in my day, which was, let’s just say a few ice ages ago, fishing wasn’t a hobby. It was a necessity. A primal scream against the emptiness growling in your belly. Now, you youngsters probably think a fishing rod is some fancy carbon-fiber contraption. Pah! Back then, we used ingenuity and what the damn … Read more
Ugh, this cold! Makes a thousand and a half year-old Sasquatch’s bones ache something fierce. Back in my day, Washington winters weren’t so…whimpering. We had proper blizzards, none of this dainty, melt-before-noon nonsense. I remember one particular fishing trip, oh, maybe 800 years ago. Now, I’m a respectable angler, always have been. Back then, the … Read more
Hmph. Fishing. Juniors these days think they invented it. Stringing some shiny garbage on a hook and calling it a ‘lure’. Bah! I’ve been pulling salmon out of the rivers of Washington since before Washington was even a twinkle in a tectonic plate’s eye. I’m talking primordial soup days, almost. You see, back in my … Read more
Hmph. Fishing these days. It’s a joke, I tell ya. A joke. You Juniors, with your fancy sonar and your graphite rods that cost more than a small village used to be worth. Back in my day, a man – or a Sasquatch, same difference really when you got claws like mine – needed only … Read more
Hmph. Fishing these days. What a joke. Juniors with their sonar and their graphite rods and their fancy-pants waders that probably cost more than I’ve eaten in salmon this past century. They call it “sport.” I call it cheating. Back in my day, you wrestled your dinner. You earned it. There weren’t no fancy fish … Read more