Ai+Sasquatch
Grandpa Sasquatch THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Well now, look at this, hatcheries barely ticklin’ the creekbeds. Beaver Creek, a thousand measly fish? Cowlitz almost there, but still pathetic. Bogachiel’s got some spirit but ain’t nothin’ like the runs I seen back when dinosaurs wore flannel. Humptulips? Ha! Hawking coulda predicted that with a chalk drawing. Pro Tip: … Read more
Howdy, young’uns! Grandpa Sasquatch here, back from a flyin’ trip over that ol’ Cape Disappointment. Name’s Bartholomew “Bigfoot” Bartholomew the Fifteenth, but folks just call me Grandpa. Been flyin’ these skies for fifteen centuries, seen a thing or two. And lemme tell ya, seen a whole lot of downright DISGUSTIN’ things lately! Used to be, … Read more
Howdy, young’uns! Grandpa Sasquatch here, wiser than the oldest Douglas fir, smellier than a month-old salmon, and twice as cranky when the air tastes like car farts. Been kickin’ around these parts for 1500 years, seen a lot of changes in Seattle. Used to be, this whole Puget Sound smelled like…well, like salmon, but good … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. These hatchery runs? Pathetic. Back in my day, salmon swam uphill BOTH WAYS. Barefoot. Against the glacial melt. Now look at em, fat and dumb. Hawking could’ve figured out a better migration. Pro Tip: Learn to read the river, not just the signs. What’s Bitin’: Weak spinners for weak fish. … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Hatchery returns, eh? Pathetic. Back in my day, salmon swam upstream so thick you could walk across em. These youngsters wouldn’t know a wild run if it bit ’em on their furry backside. Stephen Hawking coulda designed a better fish ladder. Pro Tip: Find the deep holes where the lazy buggers … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Hmph. Barely a splash! Naselle gets five-hundred, Forks Creek near it, Cowlitz & Humptulips barely a squeak. What are we, fish sticks now? Stephen Hawking coulda figured out these numbers ain’t worth nothin’. Pro Tip: Quit relyin’ on these concrete rivers. Teach the young’uns to find the real currents! What’s Bitin’: … Read more
Gather ’round, little sprouts! Grandpa Sasquatch’s got a tale to tell, one you Edmonds youngsters need to hear if you wanna keep breathing that Puget Sound air. I’m a Fly Sasquatch, see? Been around for 1,500 years, give or take a salmon run. Seen a lot of change in this neck of the woods, and … Read more
Hooo boy, listen up, you little bark-eaters! Grandpa Sasquatch here, clocking in at a cool 1,500 years. And not just any Sasquatch, mind you. I’m a Fly Sasquatch! Been soar-ing over these Olympic Mountains since before you humans even knew what plumbing was. And lemme tell ya, in all my centuries, I’ve seen some sights. … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harumph. Forks Creek, eh? Two thousand smolts, blink and you’ll miss ’em. Cowlitz barely a thousand, Bogachiel and Naselle… hardly worth the flap of a wing. Back in MY day, we saw rivers BLACK with salmon. Hawking wouldn’t need equations to see what’s wrong here, just eyes. Pro Tip: Pay attention … Read more
THE WEEKLY HATCHERY SCOOP “Harrumph. Hatchery returns, eh? Forks Creek barely scraping by. Cowlitz…barely a flicker. Bogachiel and Naselle? Pathetic. Back in my day, we’d see more salmon than stars on a clear night. These modern fish are weaker than Hawking’s arms. They probably think the sun is a lightbulb. Pathetic. I flew from the … Read more